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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30103878">Goalposts</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang'>idrilhadhafang</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abusive Snoke (Star Wars), Angry Kylo Ren, Gen, Heavy Angst, Movie: Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Past Abuse, The Sith Suck, Troubled Abuser, abusive palpatine</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 23:26:53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>918</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30103878</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Kylo’s reasons for smashing his mask.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Allbingo, Bad Day Collection</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Goalposts</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Prompt: Free Space — Masks</p><p>Disclaimer: I own nothing.</p><p>Author’s Notes: Call this my way of dealing with a particular thing that’s been bothering me.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>If one was to ask what had set off Kylo Ren smashing his mask, it was a whole number of things, but the most potent one was realizing that everything that he’d done in the search for not only Skywalker but Snoke’s approval was for nothing. <br/><br/>Completely nothing. <br/><br/>He had hoped that killing Han Solo would end his pain. Poe Dameron’s torture he had never wanted to do, but Han...<br/><br/>As much as Kylo thought that it was abhorrent, he thought that it would lead to a greater purpose. It was for a reason, wasn’t it?<br/><br/>He thought back to the Sith tassels that Snoke had had him study, once upon a time. Snoke was volatile, incredibly volatile — he could be complimentary one minute, all but lavishing Kylo with praise as to how he had never had a worthier apprentice, an heir apparent to Lord Vader, anything like that. And the next he could be vicious, going on long rants that were intent on cutting away at Kylo. <br/><br/>Kylo liked to think that his skin was resilient, but it wasn’t impervious. It wasn’t impenetrable. Snoke’s little comments could wear away at it, could sometimes leave gashes that no one else could see. <br/><br/>(It wasn’t Snoke’s fault, Kylo would tell himself at times. Snoke’s own master had done the same. Do unto others what has been done unto you. It didn’t mean that being slapped didn’t hurt. It didn’t mean that the shouting, almost bellowing, wasn’t enough to strike fear into Kylo’s heart. It only felt like a part of Kylo’s tie to Snoke that was made stronger. That whole feeling of needing to heal him)<br/><br/>***<br/><br/><em>“Are you well, Leader Snoke?”<br/><br/>It was a question that Kylo didn’t think that he’d ask, if he was to be perfectly honest. Snoke was the sort that seemed almost impenetrable, truly invincible)<br/><br/>“Get away,” Snoke hissed. “I am fine. I am...not weak.”<br/><br/>“You were having a flashback.”<br/><br/>“I said I am not weak,” Snoke hissed. It was a different kind of anger that Kylo sensed from him. The anger of a wounded animal in a trap, lashing out because it was all they had. <br/><br/>Silence. <br/><br/>“I never really told you from whence I was made,” Snoke said. “There is a place, far in the Unknown Regions. The Sith have many homeworlds. Moraband, once called Korriban, Malachor V, Malachor I where Ezra Bridger went, and...Exegol. A grand place, where the lightning crackles and the Sith Eternal live.”<br/><br/>“There’s more Sith out there?”<br/><br/>Snoke chuckled wryly. “Just because the Emperor was thrown down a reactor shaft doesn’t mean that the Sith end there. The Sith and the Jedi could be considered their own dyad. Two that are one.” Then, “But I lived on Exegol. I lived in the darkness, away from sunlight, away from touch, away from everything. Oh, don’t look at me like that. I daresay that you were coddled, just living in the Outside.” Kylo could almost imagine the capital letter in “outside”.<br/><br/>“Coddled?” Kylo said. <br/><br/>“Yes. It’s in the darkness that your strength truly comes out.”<br/><br/>But even as Snoke spoke, Kylo could sense that there was something very wrong. Snoke, younger, gangly like a colt, dangled over a pit on Exegol, a pit that seemed to go on forever. Shocked with Force Lightning. Choked with the Force. A cackling, slithery sort of voice taunting Snoke. That he had plucked Snoke from a gutter, and he could dispose of him as he saw fit. <br/><br/>It made sense. Kylo made sure to keep his face impassive, to keep his shields up. But it at least explained something about Snoke. Doing unto others what had been done to him... </em><br/><br/>***<br/><br/>Kylo had made excuses for Snoke’s brutality. Even in the turbolift, staring down at his helmet that seemed like a mockery now, he found himself making excuses. <br/><br/><em>It was my fault. I shouldn’t have lost to the girl. I should have been stronger. What was I thinking, losing to a novice? I need practice... </em><br/><br/><em>But I was wounded. I was wounded, bleeding out, barely keeping myself together... </em><br/><br/><em>Well, there’s your problem. You should have just pushed the girl to her death instead of offering to train her. If only you hadn’t felt like she was familiar somehow... </em><br/><br/>That was his problem. He was stupid. Soft. Indecisive. He had to stifle these emotions; it was no doubt a message from the Dark Side that he needed to be meaner, crueler. To be stronger. Ben Solo was nothing but a human-shaped albatross around his neck. Compassion was a Jedi weakness.<br/><br/>And this mask...<br/><br/>Another part of him was screaming to make Snoke pay for what he had done. What he had said, what he had made Kylo do. For hijacking his body, making him torture Poe —<br/><br/>— even the mask reminded him of that as well, that feeling of violation, that feeling of his body being not his own, his mind being a slave with the whip cracked against his back —<br/><br/>— for everything. <br/><br/>For all of it being for nothing. <br/><br/><em>Surely his master did the same thing, </em>a part of Kylo said. <em>Surely he was in the same position you’re in now. Surely... </em><br/><br/>It didn’t stop the rage from bubbling up. From him smashing the helmet into the wall over and over again like he could get rid of the feelings of violation and rage and pain. To get rid of everything. <br/><br/>It made it easier to smash the helmet.<br/><br/><em>Let the past die, indeed. </em></p>
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